Today was amazing for so many reasons. I taught my first public class and it felt so amazing. I was beaming and glowing and feeling light as air. I’ve never felt like that a day in MY LIFE in corporate America. Queue my meeting with my friend Blake today.
I’ve known Blake for 15 years. FIFTEEN. We waited tables together. We made lattes together. We were struggling and broke as fuck…together LMAO. We are now both at this turning point in our lives where we are positioning ourselves for greater. As you know I’ve started a mentorship with Octavia Raheem at Scared Chill West. We are only three weeks in and the uncovering and discovering I’ve done has been incredible.
Today, Blake continued that work with me as we conversed about our plans for the future. He said to me “Rashida. I want you to have a plan to leave corporate America by January 1st, 2020.” Child I wanted to slap his whole face lol lol He then asked me what I thought I was worth. What I would charge for my services. I grew DEEPLY uncomfortable. I mean I was sweating, squirming, stuttering. I retreated COMPLETELY inward and lost all composure.
Then it hit me: “There goes those lies again. You’re not worthy. You can’t make it on your own. You’re not smart enough.” As we talked longer and I sat there in discomfort, I began to think about something Octavia said to me last week.
“ you can LOVE that work all day AND you have to be in deep honest practice applying it in order to share your wisdom in that area with folks in any sustainable way.”
Without even knowing it, Blake echoed something similar:
“How will you tell people to know their worth and connect with themselves when you are living a lie.” Slap. Your whole. Face lol lol.
But he’s right. And Octavia’s right. I’m grasping on to things that no longer serve me because I am afraid to let go. I am uncomfortable talking about charging people what I’m worth because I grapple with worthiness. All that ends today. I am leaning all the way in and I am about to get really with myself. It’s time.